|
Sounds ridiculous to say that, "Every
Relationship is a Fairy Tale." does
it not? Yet if we look closer we may
find out that it is true. We may also
find that we get a clearer understanding
of how to make our relationships work
better.
The thing about fairy stories is
that although they are completely
fictional; they are also completely
true! It all depends on how we look
at them. They are true because of
what they tell use about human nature.
Think about this. Have you ever
met someone who is a 'Princess' who
did not have a Dragon lurking around
inside her somewhere? The same goes
for a Hero. Don't the Heroes we meet
not also turn out to have Dragons
inside them too?
I don't mean this in a cynical way.
On the contrary, a wise understanding
of this can help us to create healthier
relationships. Wisdom makes a better
choice than cynicism.
Fairy stories are really representations
of different parts of what it is to
be a human being and they illustrate
what happens if some of them get out
of hand. Every character needs a chance
to play its part for us to be able
to create healthy relationships.
From this way of looking at things;
everyone has a Dragon, a Hero, a Princess
and King (and so on) inside them.
It does not matter whether we are
male or female all these parts are
in us. It is just that some will be
more active than others depending
on our personality and physical gender.
There are no real 'villains' in
the story, because to be healthy we
need all the different parts - including
the Dragon.
The Dragon is not 'bad' and the
Hero is not 'good'. An overzealous
Hero may be constantly trying to kill
their inner Dragon for the sake of
'beauty and innocence' as represented
by the Princess. However, the Dragon
offers its own powers, insights and
abilities. It gives us a fire in our
belly and without it our passion for
life goes cold.
Think about what happens when a
Hero kills the Dragon and marries
the Princess. Whose Dragon did he
kill? If he killed his own, what kind
of lover will he be? Not much of one,
I would suspect.
If it is her Dragon that has been
killed (in the story they often have
both conspired to do so) what will
that do to her passion for life? Our
Hero would be better off with the
Scullery Maid as a wife. She knows
how to 'tend a fire' - and not just
in the kitchen. (Perhaps the Scullery
Maid is friends with her Dragon).
Would a Hero marry a Scullery Maid?
One who kills Dragons wouldn't. But,
one that understood the role of Dragons
might. He would be more likely to
love a woman, and be there for her,
through the 'drudgery' of daily chores.
A healthy man will not be offended
if her hair gets in a mess, or her
'clothes become tattered and bare'.
He would help her rather than be off
fighting needless causes.
If you are looking for a Princess,
next time you find one, ask yourself,
'OK, I see the Princess - but, where
is the Dragon?'. If you are looking
for a Hero, and you find one, try
'OK I see the Hero, where is the Dragon?'.
Many people don't do this and then
wonder why the Dragon suddenly sneaks
up on them out of the blue! Or, they
have held back their own Dragon so
long it comes roaring out and becomes
'The Terror of all the Land'.
Remember the Dragon is not really
bad, it is just needs to be given
its rightful place. When you know
where the Dragon lives, and a bit
about what it is like, you are beginning
to get to know the whole person. They
are not really the Dragon, any more
than they are really the parts of
themselves they are more comfortable
showing. They are really all of it
and more.
Many men try to kill their Dragon
when they meet a woman they really
like. A man may be tempted to disowns
parts of himself and become especially
Nice. He tries to win her with flowers,
gifts and compliments. The woman may
wonder what happened to the interesting
guy she was starting to like, as he
has suddenly been replaced by a rather
gushy 'Hero'.
Of course, there is nothing wrong
with flowers, gifts and compliments
(it might even work with a Princess).
It is just better when they are an
expression of what the relationship
actually is rather than how one person
would like it to be. It is better
to be authentic than to put on a show.
That's why some women end up with
a mean guys. His Dragon may be a bit
wild, but at least its not dead!
On the other hand, we have probably
all met people whose Dragon goes on
the rampage at the least provocation.
Usually this happens when we people
have lost hope in finding their Hero
or in finding their Princess. Ironically,
it is because they are unwilling to
love the Dragon in themselves, or
in others, that their own Dragon gets
out of hand. They expect other people
to be 'too perfect' in an overly nice
way.
After all, that is what the various
parts of us need. We may find it easy
to love the Princess, or the Hero.
Can we learn to love the Dragon too?
I suspect that what we need from
each other is help in expressing our
own Dragon in healthy ways. To be
able to see the other person at their
'worst' (or even at their most magnificent)
and stand in our Hero with courage
and love for the relationship's sake.
When someone we care for gets a bit
wild, or hides in their cave hoarding
their jewels, can we stay confident
in knowing that the other person is
just finding their way to a more balanced
sense of themselves?
Of course, it also wise to know
when something it too much for us
and it would be best to get out of
a particular story.
Facing another person's Dragon can
be fun. A woman I had been involved
with for a while once turned to me
and said, "I think this relationship
is doomed!". She said it very dramatically
and rather than react I just started
to laugh. I did not laugh in a mocking
way, but I did tease her a bit about
what she said and how she had said
it. She looked at me oddly and headed
off back to her house. The next day
she came back especially to tell me
how impressed she was with what I
had done!
In facing a Dragon it is better
to use just a light touch of the sword
(Sword of Truth, Sword of Wisdom,
Sword of Humor) but it is best to
have a very sturdy shield! Your love
and respect for the Dragon in each
other is your best shield.
About the Author
William Martin offers wholistic tips
and advice on dating and relationships.
Check out this totally free dating
site or this love
and romance ebooks directory.
|
